Surrendering to My Weakness

Since the middle of January God has had me on a journey of discovering who I am in Him. Quite honestly, I have been struggling with figuring that out. There are many things around us that influence what we believe about ourselves and who we think we are and it is only now that I think I am beginning to see more of how God sees me.

In January my company notified me that they would no longer be in need of my services and we would be going our separate ways. I figured it was only a matter of time before that happened so it was not a huge surprise, and there was actually a lot of peace in both Laura and myself.

However, shortly after I was released from the company I started thinking about what I would tell people. What was I going to tell people when they asked what I did for a living? What would I say about why I was let go? How was this going to impact us financially? What was I going to do next? I need to have a plan for what my next job is! All of the standard things anyone goes through that have lost their job.

What I began to learn was we put so much of our identity in our jobs and titles, the company we work for, our spouses, our children, our boss, where we live, what car we drive, and the list goes on…

What God began to speak to me was my identity resided in Him and He was not as interested in my strengths as much as He was my weakness. That is where my struggles really began.

I started thinking that I have to look for something different, something I was not good at. I need to release my strengths and give myself over to my weakness, even if it means I go back to square one. I was creating this plan even though I did not understand what it meant to surrender myself to my weakness. Fortunately, God was continuing to speak to me.

He was showing me that in our culture we showcase our strengths and successes and highlight our accomplishments and tiles on our resume. We lose site of what He has done in our life and we proclaim the victories we have had on a piece of paper we call a resume. It was as if God began to show me that I was showcasing my own success and trying to control where I was going to go and how I would get there. I was doing.

God then began to speak a deeper message to me. In Matthew 7:21-23 Jesus is speaking to His disciple’s about true and false disciples and he said,  “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.  Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’  Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’” I began to realize that that could be me! Instead of proclaiming what I have done I was standing in front of Him with my resumes saying, “Jesus look what I did and I did it in your name!”

Did I really do it all for Him? I don’t think that every thing I have done has been out of selfish desire, but at the same time I don’t think I did it all for the glory of God. That is something I know that needs to change.

I am still looking for the next step that God has for me, but I think I have some new revelation. This weekend our Pastor mentioned, as part of his sermon, that he has heard many people say they are unhappy in their jobs. I began to think I would be happy wherever God placed me. I want to be faithful in everything big or small, and I want to do it for His glory.

As we prayed I could feel in the depths of my soul the Holy Spirit telling me I would have a job. He was also telling me that God created me with the strengths that I have and He will use those for His glory. I needed to surrender my weakness of trying to control what my next step is. He wants to guide that and place me where He can leverage the strengths He has given me.

It is not about what I want to do or what I want my next title to be. It’s about surrendering myself to His work for His glory. I don’t know where that is going to be, or when He will place me there, but I trust Him.   I choose to be faithful in what He has given me today, because He is preparing me for what He has tomorrow.


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